Notes from the Field
Wow, wow, wow. Can’t believe I’m back here again. This week in personal news: I’m taking the quantum leap from being a gay legal assistant at my dad’s firm to being a gay legal assistant at someone else’s dad’s firm. Pretty big.
Other than that news, I’ve just been absolutely dying in this heat. So here’s my thought: instead of going outside and being miserable, why not stay inside and read Poppington? This week we’re talking about celebrity hygiene and Simone Biles. Let’s get into it.
Celebs are Just Like Us (But Dirtier)
It seems to be peak pandemic that I now have a clearer sense of certain celebrity’s hygiene than some of the men I’ve (almost) dated. It all started on Armchair Expert, as so many things do. In their interview, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis revealed that they don’t bathe their children very often, only if they’re visibly dirty.
Then host Dax Shepard and his wife, Kristen Bell said that they have a pretty similar policy when they went on the View in a mad dash to curb the commentary on Kutcher and Kunis. (It’s 2021 and we’re still talking about them?)
But things started to take a turn. Press pivoted from celebrities’ children’s hygiene to celebrities’ hygiene. Let’s be honest, this is a much better place to be, but that’s more or less beside the point.
All of a sudden we started learning about Joe Keery’s hair (big shock that he doesn’t wash that mop too frequently) and Jake Gyllenhall’s bad breathe and appreciation of the idea of not bathing. It’s unclear of Jakey doesn’t actually bathe or if he just likes the idea of it, much like how Topper doesn’t love Sarah, he just loves the idea of her (yes this is an Outer Banks reference…I’m gen Z).
And guess who doesn’t wear deodorant? Cameron Diaz and Matthew McConaughey! Apparently if you’re hot enough you just don’t have to worry about it?
But don’t worry, folks. Some people keep it clean. Because if it wasn’t weird enough that we had to learn how gross some celebs are, we’ve now gotten confirmation that The Rock and Chris Evans are clean as a whistle.
This entire trend is so beyond me. I don’t know why anyone felt the need to weigh in on the matter in the first place. Okay, some rich parents are quirky-kooky and do things that poor people or people of color would get CPS called on them for. Why did we need to know anything else?
I think on some level this was an attempt at a “celebs are just like us” moment. I mean for Ashton and Mila, that was certainly the case because Armchair Expert is designed to make us think that rich people with elaborate lives who live in homes bigger than our neighborhoods are just so damn down-to-earth.
But in anyone’s right mind, is proclaiming how filthy you are really the way to win over the masses? What appeal does that have? Does it some how tip the scale and make you better than me because you can afford to be smelly but I, a once and future gay legal assistant, have to make sure I look okay so that people will actually notice me instead of just like running me over?
All in all, this is such a strange moment in pop culture and I don’t like it one bit. I think it’s fun to make fun of celebrities but if I can look at my fitbit and predict whether or not a middling sitcom actor is in the shower, I’d just like to get off the ride.
The Simone Biles of it All
The __ of it All is a mainstay of the mixed bag newsletters in which I dive deep into a pop culture story or phenomenon and break it down for those who didn’t do the required reading.
I know this is a little behind the current news cycle, but as someone who recently made gymnastics a part of their personality, I feel it’s my duty to talk a bit about what happened with Simone Biles at the Olympics.
Just the other day I was explaining to some more casual Olympics fans the entire situation and informing them that their takes on the matter were wrong. And I’ll be very up front about that. If you think Simone withdrawing from any event at the Olympics was wrong, cowardly, weak, or any other negative adjective, I’m sorry but you’re mistaken. But let’s talk about it.
Gymnastics is two things: beautiful and dangerous. At once we see some of the most elegant swings, leaps, and body positions known to man and the most brutal, turn your stomach inside out skills. These two sides of the same coin exist in every single routine (or at least they should).
So often when we see a gymnast whirl around bars or hurl themselves off of the vault table just to spin their entire body around twice before landing on their feet (and sometimes hopping or stepping just a tad) we simply marvel. We think “that’s amazing” and it is…but there’s a lot that goes into it.
When thinking about twisting skills, the ridiculous rotate-your-whole-body-before-you-hit-the-ground skills, we need to remember that those rotations don’t just happen. The gymnast has painstakingly learned their form and developed an air sense in order to pull that off.
Air sense is a gymnast’s sixth sense that lets them know where their body is in the air—how far off the ground they are, where in their rotation they are, and to a certain extent, how much time they have to complete their skill. It’s not necessarily something conscious to them, but it is something they have to work to achieve.
Simone Biles is known for her particularly strong air sense. That’s part of the reason why she can do such incredible skills. When you know where your body is in the air and you’re in control you can do things that other gymnasts can’t. And Simone’s whole thing is doing things that other gymnasts can’t.
So what happens if you’re Simone Biles and all of a sudden your air sense isn’t working? What happens if you can’t tell where you are in the air, you don’t feel like you know what your body’s doing, and you’re not even sure if you’re going to land on your feet at all?
This uneasy, disturbing feeling of losing your air sense and losing control over your body on twisting skills is commonly called “the twisties” in the gymnastics world. It’s just as much a mental block as it is a physical safety concern.
Without the ability to mentally get through a twisting skill, a gymnastic may be completely unable to physically complete that skill. They may just “forget” how to do the skill or they may stop halfway through the skill or they may land unexpectedly.
The results of the twisties are unlike the results of other mental blocks you see in sports like golf or any ball sport. Being unable to hit a shot properly sucks. Especially when you’re an elite golfer. Being unable to score is devastating. However, in those cases, the thing that’s hurling quickly toward some destination, aimlessly or not, is a ball. In the case of gymnastics, the thing that’s hurling quickly toward a destination is the gymnast’s body.
So what happens if your mental block not only affects your own personal record, your medal standings, and the success of your team, but poses physical risk to you?
Well, you can either push through and risk injury (like, falling on your back or neck injury) or you can hit pause. You can choose to take a beat and get your head back in the game and let your air sense start to come back to you. This is exactly what Simone Biles did at the Olympics.
In the past, gymnasts haven’t always had the privilege to put their minds, bodies, or general safety and wellbeing first. Many will recall the “heroic” vault of Kerri Strug during the Women’s Artistic Gymnastics Team Final at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Kerri had severely injured her ankle on her first vault but was told to do her second vault anyway. She stuck the vault on one foot, crawled off the podium (competition floor) and was carried by the Women’s Head Coach, Bela Karolyi.
Kerri’s heroic/tragic act was meant to clinch the Gold medal for the US. It worked…sort of. The kicker is that her coach had miscalculated. If she hadn’t done her second vault, the US still would have won. But her sacrifice went down in history, despite costing her participation in any of the Women’s Individual finals.
Kerri’s story is one that resonates with so many gymnasts. Gymnasts for so long have been little medal-winning machines for their countries and coaches. Legendary Soviet gymnast Olga Korbut says that Richard Nixon told her that her performance at the 1972 Olympics “did more for did more for reducing the political tension during the Cold War between our two countries than the embassies were able to do in five years.”
All that to say that Simone Biles was not the first or last gymnast with the weight of the world on her shoulders. But she’s one of a select few who’ve been given agency. Kerri Strug didn’t have a choice to vault or not. Countless other Olympic gymnasts have similar stories with varying degrees of reward. Some performed well enough through injuries to win medals, others arguably suffered for nothing (or very little).
But Simone made her decision for herself. When she started missing her skills and getting lost in the air, she didn’t wait around to get hurt. She was by far the best gymnast at the Olympics and was the US’s ticket to a Team Gold Medal but that wasn’t what mattered. Her safety mattered. Her wellbeing mattered.
Simone knew that it wasn’t safe for her to compete, at least not in every event for which she had qualified. She tumbles and twists all over the place on the floor, she flips around in the air on bars, and of course, she twists on her vaults. So she dropped out of the Individual All-Around Final, as well as the Vault, Uneven Bars, and Floor Finals. She dropped each event one at a time, taking her own mental and physical safety into account each day.
Simone ultimately competed on Balance Beam and successfully defended her Bronze Medal. (Yes, Bronze is still something to be proud of. Have a heart). She edged out tough competition, like her teammate Suni Lee, who won the All-Around Gold Medal—the event that everyone in the world predicted Simone would win.
Simone Biles’ story is a different flavor of Kerri Strug’s. In a sense, it’s the opposite. She had the opportunity to take control of herself and her body and choose not to compete. But still, it’s heroic and tragic.
Simone will forever be remembered for her bravery in putting her mind and body first. That said, there are hundreds or thousands of young gymnasts out their who have never had—and might never have—that opportunity. We can hope this will change the state of affairs of gymnastics or that it reflects a change that’s already happened or that’s in progress. But we also must acknowledge that Simone was given this opportunity because she was, is, and always will be the Greatest of All Time.
A farewell
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Thank you so much for reading!
I love you (allegedly).
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