The Met Gala of it All
This past Monday was the best Monday of the year! It was the Met Gala, the annual fundraiser for the Costume Institute coinciding with the premier of Institute’s new exhibit. It is fashion’s biggest night out, as celebs far and wide dress to the nines accompanying major publications, designers, or (rarely) just on their own, fronting the 60k bill.
The 2024 Costume Exhibit is entitled “Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion,” celebrating pieces throughout fashion history, which are interconnected by themes of nature.
The Met Gala’s theme was “Garden of Time,” based on the J.G. Ballard short story of the same name. Ballard’s story explores the dying days of two aristocrats, living a life of esoteric pleasures as an army proceeds toward their home, ready to kill them. Every day, the story’s protagonist picks a flower from his garden, which halts the army temporarily. Eventually, however, the couple find themselves left with only one flower.
Pretty obviously, the story deals in the ideas of the death of luxury and the rich, ruling class, as well as the finite resources we tend to exploit. This is ripe material for fashion, so it was a pretty natural fit for the Met Gala.
In any event, I have some thoughts, as always. So I made some collages of my best and worst dressed. The numbering doesn’t reflect quality, but the numbers do correspond to the images when viewed left to right, top to bottom.
Best Dressed:
Lana Del Rey in Alexander McQueen: This look really reconciles the idea of being trapped by and trapping nature in a visually stimulating way. Slay.
Zendaya in Maison Margiela by John Galliano: Hunger Games-core. Very fitting.
Ayo Edebiri in Loewe: Hand-done crocheted florals. I mean…come on. And wait…Omg are those the last flower petals in the garden of time?
Greta Lee in Loewe: Oh wait maybe those are the last ones! Anyways, there’s something almost alien about the silhouette that helps craft a really interesting visual language with the florals.
Tyla in Balmain: She’s sand. Holding a sand timer. Like the sands of time. Stunning. Gorgeous. Also, she had to be carried around on the “red” carpet.
Barry Keoghan in Burberry: That is SO what a kooky aristocrat about to die by the garden of time would wear! It’s also just so well-styled. Harkening back to the Victorian era, when men would take an hour or more to dress. Men used to—
Jodie Turner-Smith in Burberry and Chopard: In addition to being stunning, the styling of this is very Ophelia-esque to me. It very much does feel like she’s about to have the most gorgeous death imaginable.
Tyler Mitchell in Prada: To me, this is the best interpretation of florals done by any man on the carpet. Going sans jacket is also one of the best ways to stand out as a man at the Met Gala. Bravo!
Michael Shannon: An intentional and interesting take on the black tux that actually encapsulates the true essence of the theme! You can’t see in the collage, but he has threads coming off of his jacket and his bag is a chip bag. It’s such a great nod to the dystopian, end-of-days side of the theme!
Lily Donaldson and Roberto Bolle in Burberry: This is the most successful paired look of the night. Stunning combination and fully evocative of the theme.
Harris Reed in Harris Reed: Also Hunger Games-core, but with a baroque-inspired pattern. One of the best haute couture looks of the night and Harris wore it like a performance (in the best way possible).
Taika Waititi in Marni: A trusted advisor called this “sexy alien” and I am gagged for it. One of the more interesting takes on a suit.
Jamie Dornan in Loewe: It’s just stunning. It’s so Brideshead Revisited it hurts. I know that wasn’t the theme but like…come on. This does look like he’s holed up in an English Estate. On brand!
Ben Simmons in Thom Browne: A heightened version of English luxury. It’s playful, it’s cheeky, it’s sexy, it’s handsome. And the clock briefcase is a hair’s breadth away from campy, but it just works. Luxe!
Steven Yeun in Thom Browne and Cartier: Aside from what was mentioned above, the only black tux I accept. There fabric appears to be a floral brocade and it’s styled with a gorgeous walking umbrella. Again, it’s a play on the kind of English luxury Ballard explores in his story. IT. WORKS.
Tory Burch in Tory Burch: At first blush, it just looks like a pretty floral dress. And upon closer look, there’s a distressed effect in the interplay between the floral appliquees and the rest of the dress that’s a really earnest portrayal of the theme. And maybe I also just needed a sixteenth look on this list.
Worst Dressed:
Michelle Yeoh in Balenciaga: Sorry, but it’s giving tin foil.
Chris Hemsworth in Tom Ford: This is what you wear to a late summer/early fall wedding, not an event w/ a 60k price tag. I would know, I wore a much cheaper version of that look to my brother September wedding.
Dua Lipa in Marc Jacob and Tiffany & Co.: She looks like someone they cut from the Moulin Rouge music video.
Greta Gerwig in Chloe: This isn’t Frances Ha and you’re not giving a jazz recital. Do better, bitch. You can’t famously steal a married woman’s man and then not serve.
Amanda Seyfried in Prada and Chaumet jewelry: See comments re Michelle Yeoh.
Serena Williams in Balenciaga and Messika: It should be a crime to make one of the most beautiful women on the planet look tacky.
Cara Delevigne in Stella McCartney and Vrai: One, get a job. Two, stop playing medieval knights.
Ben Platt and Noah Galvin in Amiri: Idk how to explain it but this looks like they’re in a play together.
Lizzo in Weinsanto: This is trying to be what Heidi Klum’s worm was…and failing.
Chase Stokes in Michael Kors: Go home, Adam Lambert
Ed Sheeran in Stella McCartney: Is this an 80s prom theme????
Gracie Abrams in Chanel: This isn’t an 8th grade dance. Come on, you’re richer than that.
Sofia Coppola in Chanel: You look like a piano teacher if she was the mother of the bride
Natasha Poonawalla in Maison Margiella by John Galliano: I just don’t know where to start (and neither do my eyes!)
Sabrina Harrison in CHRISHIBANA: Now this is looking camp in the eye…
Hannah Bagshaw and Eddie Redmayne in Steve O Smith: Why do they look like the future liberals want?
The following men in plain black tuxes + suits (even w. “interesting” styling)— Andy Cohen, Francesco Carozzini, Josh O’Connor (rip to my beloved), Wes Gordon, Alexander Skarsgard, Jude Law, Jerry Seinfeld, Oscar De La Renta (BLACK SUIT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?), Conner Ives (even though his tailoring and styling was the best of the bunch) Pierpaolo Piccolo, , Marc Jacobs (ugly nails don’t save you) and Char Defrancesco, Nnamdi Asomugha, Damson Idra, Hugh Jackman, Adrian Brody, Barry Diller, Daniel Roseberry, Jack McCullough, Lauro Hernandez, Nicholas Gallitzine, Andrew Bolton, James Cordon, Seth Meyers, Luca Guadagnino (if i weren’t making this specific point, i’d say it’s actually a really good look), Matt Damon, Will Welch (again, excellent look in other settings…), Max Hollein, Steve Newhouse: You are at the Met Gala. ACT LIKE IT. This is a moment for wish fulfillment. The good people of the world are sitting on our asses watching you people walk up the stairs for 2-3 hours and you don’t have the decency to dress up. Black tuxes, even the luxury ones, just look like tuxes. There is no ultimate tux that’s going to compare to anyone doing anything remotely interesting at the Met. It is such a betrayal of the honor and privilege it is to attend the Met Gala, as well as of the time and attention of the viewers, to be dressed in such basic attire. If you like wearing tuxes, I’d encourage you to go to literally any other black tie event. Win an award and eat your heart out. The Met is about a THEME. It is about FASHION. It is about turning a look and being bold. If you can’t handle that, go fuck yourself. You aren’t worth the money they’re spending on you. You are a stain on the American dream. FYI, here’s all the tuxes.
